The Purpose Seeker's Dilemma

This week I had a meeting with a resilience coach provided by the company. I am not burnt out or in distress; in fact, if I evaluate myself, I am quite lucky that my current role as a data analyst fits with my talent or capabilities. I think my manager would agree with that.

Nevertheless, there is this emotion or feeling within myself that something is lacking, it is not enough, a gap to be filled. The conversation with the resilience coach began with a regular introduction and whatnot. She would do a stress test towards me, trying to figure out whether I am in distress, which I am not.

I would tell her that I am in need of a coach or a mentor that would guide me in my newly taken professional life. I explained the difficulty of finding a mentor within the company with whom I could talk about deeper, layered topics outside the subject matter within the company, or, as we call it, work matters.

There are questions I want to discuss with any potential mentor, such as: How do I connect my sense of purpose with my day-to-day work? How do I excel in my career and at the same time be fulfilled by my sense of purpose? How do I balance the feelings of wanting to contribute to the world? How do I make sense of the fact that I spend almost 12 hours a day, every day, for work, from waking up, to work, to come home, to decompress, until I am 70?

The coach and I would exchange stories and wisdom. She would then suggest that I am a purpose seeker and action taker, which is true when I see it introspectively. All my life, I have been taking decisions out of dissatisfaction: I looked for scholarships to move out of Indonesia, wanting a better life, given my disagreement with the way of life there; I quit my PhD due to my mental isolation in an environment that cares about microbes and the environment but barely talked about them enough; I started business school and language lessons for better opportunities and integration, wanting to better understand the world and money.

And now here I am, in a job with a very good company, working in a role I am suitable for, living in one of the most liberated nations in the world, living with a love companion whom I love dearly and who loves me back just as much. Seems like a dream come true, and indeed it is a dream come true for my younger version of myself (I am only 28, duh!).

Still, there is a gap, a hole within myself that is unfulfilled, driving me to crave for more, whatever that means, as a purpose seeker and action taker.

We talked about what truly connects to me, after she shared her passion for clear communication, rooted in her lack of communication in her upbringing. I shared with her that I care dearly about injustice in the world, discrimination between the privileged and unprivileged: how some people of similar age have fewer opportunities than others just because of being born in different circumstances. It pains me whenever I see this injustice in the world, as a first-generation expat or immigrant myself who grew up in a less advantageous family.

I would hear many stories and interactions firsthand with people with a similar background to myself in the evening language classes, people who had master’s degrees, or even PhDs, who had to sacrifice everything for the illusion of a better life in a first-world nation, even if that means they had to start over, working in a cleaning agency or construction, trying to learn the language so that one day they have a better quality of life that they imagined.

I told her about my experience in a previous, related university course on leadership development and purpose, and about my first initiative in joining the Moral Ambition Community, which will hold a regional meeting in Brussels soon, and I am eager to keep looking and learning to be motivated.

So then, I received some wisdom from my conversation with the coach.

1. Accept that people are different. That some people are not purpose-driven, that some people simply do not think the same way as I do. Everyone is wired differently, and they carry different stories and burdens than we do. Accept that part of ourselves may never be understood by others. Learn to deal with the fact even when it can be isolating and lonely.

2. Define and refine your purpose. Write it down and see what possible actions you can take. There is always a way, even when it takes time, to find and connect your purpose with your actions. Either it is simply discussing it with people, joining a community, or volunteering outside your main job, or truly switching careers.

3. Persist in looking for mentors. There must be people inside your workplace, or outside, who share your vision and are willing to mentor. In order to do this, you have to know what you are looking for in a mentorship. After all, people are always eager to help.

I find acceptance and patience are important variables that sound easier than reality. In a modern society where one is expected to work and prove their worth in productivity, a purpose seeker like myself may feel overwhelmed in navigating this stage of (productive) life. Accept life, yourself, and others. We must find outlets for our aspirations: reading, discussing, exploring, trying.

Keep trying.